Just when you thought it was safe to listen to the Misfits without the interruption of the present Jerry Only drops one of the worst albums I’ve heard in a while. I am Hydro and I am here to give the B.O.P.’s loyal legions the skinny on The Misfits™ new record “The Devil’s Rain”. This is a bloody shit storm as well. As Jerry Only states in the opening title track “It’s pouring down”. This is a fucking travesty to the legacy of the Misfits and Glenn Danzig. If you expect any semblance of the Danzig or Graves era Misfits than go check out those two and not Jerry Only’s traveling side show. That statement is a bit of an insult toward hardworking side show entrepreneurs. I think you may have more time watching the bearded woman suck off Aloysius the Alligator boy than you will with this sorry attempt at family friendly punk rock. Those words should never go together…EVER. However, in true fashion I, Hydrolicus, will attempt to keep an open mind and leave the bias behind for this review.
Well now, my venting shall be at length and hopefully in no way premature. First and foremost, I should address the best portion of this record. That would be the artwork. If one would pick this release up via face value there would be a misconception of badassery. However, the cover artwork is where the shock and awe stops. Another thing that annoys me about the way Misfits Records and Jerry Only have been marketing this record is the name dropping. This or that producer and this artist with tons of punk cred worked with the Misfits. Who the fuck gives two shits and a fuck about punk cred these days? I give more credit on DIY work ethic than anything, but maybe my priorities are in the wrong places. Maybe I should care about how long your devilock was or that you once used the same smack needle that Johnny Thunders did. No…No. I think I’ll stick with my first option. I don’t feel like telling who created the cover art, because he won’t get any name dropping from me. The cover is great and that is all one need know.
Now, we proceed to the meat of this new recording. First let me comment on the production and tones of the songs within. Here I’m going to name drop…and my animosity stands. It sounds as if John Cafiero had his anime reject hands all over this audio diarrhea. If I didn’t know it was a Misfits™ album I would think it was a fucking Osaka Popstar album. I was waiting for one mention of I, My, Me! Strawberry Eggs or the theme song from Gigantor to come on at any moment. The guitar tone was abysmal to say the least. What we expect from the Misfits is something that equals a chainsaw and what was received was far less. I might venture to give this more of an annoyed lawnmower status. The mix is fair if not a bit monotonous. That could also (and probably is) be the song writing. The drums are fair as well, but could have used some more kick. I’m sure for the money Misfits™ Records pumped into this recording the engineer could have done a bit more. Keep in mind that I’m listening to this through studio monitors so I am getting a dynamic mix that is slightly different than a common stereo. Which leads me to Jerry Only’s up front and in your face vocals which come off very monotone and uninspired. Like the man is going through the motions. I do like the mix on vocal tracks. Proper amounts of reverb and depth in the music is what I usually say a competent engineer strives for. That is something good so far other than the cover art. I can only hope I find more like this.
I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but Project 1950 was a better album all around. There…I said it. At least with P1950 the songs were at one point good and just being butchered. I get not one ounce of the same mystery, excitement, and fire I would from any other Misfits™ release. Even “Cuts From the Crypt” (The best Graves era album I would argue), the B-side release, gave me a thrill when giving it a spin. Project 1950 evoked an emotion too. I don’t, however, like to talk about a crying rage where I beat Jerry Only action figures into small chucks of child choking plastic and then ritualistically melt them in the name of Danzig. After this album I think Bobby Steele is going to have a bit more credibility. Granted over the past several months many past associates (and band members) of the Misfits™ have been saying how much of an ego maniacal control nut Jerry has become...even Graves. Do I believe this? I don’t have to believe anything. The proof is in that everyone else is putting out well made music. I’m not a particular fan of Graves music, but I think he has talent and releases good music. I think Bobby Steele is crazier than a one legged hobo dressed as daffy duck chasing children at a petting zoo, but I also think he still puts out well made NEW music. I feel that this record is actually just a giant cry for help from Jerry Only. The man is having a late life crisis and this is the result. Let me now dive into “The Devil’s Rain”.
Track 1 - I hope you are ready for this, because I’m not. As the rain drops begin to fall I sense this will be more like a golden shower. Jerry is just teasing with the sounds of a storm. I enjoy rain. This track is not rain. The title track “The Devil’s Rain” is a mid tempo rocker with some potential, but falls short. Only’s vocals are beyond uninspiring. I can tell that I’m going to sound like a broken record all the way through this. Musically, this isn’t terrible. The guitar could use some more balls. The drum work is great and I enjoy the mix; a semi highlight to the inevitable shit storm.
Track 2 “Vivid Red” keeps the same tempo as the title track as well as Only’s limp vocal styling. Something just feels missing with this track. Thematically this would fit well with an Earth A.D. type of set list, but the vibe of the song has about as much violence as a pissed off Care Bear. The whole tune strikes me as something a band would write in the process of learning to play their instruments. This is such a backwards step in these fellow’s careers.
Track 3 The lead single from this record is called “Land of the Dead”. A track that wasn’t all that hot to begin with and totally played out by the time it even reached this record. I’m sure Jerry wrote this for another Romero movie. Actually, 99% of these songs have movie titles. It was as if the man went through his DVD collection in a lazy mans effort for inspiration. Unfortunately I don’t even have to suspect, I know, what the reason for this is. Jerry Only has a trouble past with writing songs for movies. 1 out of every 5 movies accepts those songs. Songs such as “Mar Attacks”, “Scream”, “Bruiser”, and “American Psycho” were all written for the movies of the same name. Here we find around half of the songs with this same stigma. For shame! Any director with integrity will not just put a song into his or her movie just because it has the same fucking name.
Track 4 …a new…bloody…low. A song based on a Disney movie? That’s right “The Black Hole” is the name of this song. That probably means Hollywood is going to remake this little gem. I never thought I’d see the day when the same band that birthed “Demonomania” would be cursed with a song called “The Black Hole”. I wish that black hole would take every copy of this album with it. I think hell froze over (yeah, I’ll get to that song in a minute). John Cafiero has his slimey little nubs all over this track. It would easily fit better on the next Osaka Popstar album. And for the record, that goddamned project better not happen. If I see another Osaka Popstar album while I breathe it will be too soon.
Track 5 “Twilight of the Dead”… More mid-tempo bulldrek… More Romero idle workship… Go visit track 7 Jerry…just…go! NEXT!
Track 6 This album is just getting pathetic. “Curse of the Mummies Hand” is next on the track list. Hey Jerry…try letting Dez sing more. Please?! Lyrically we have a youth monster romp. A poorly written youth monster romp. Did I mention that the tempo hasn’t changed…at all. I will say that whoever mixed the vocals has a smooth hand. A skilled hand. A non-cursed hand. I wonder what a hand job by a cursed mummies hand would be like? Then again, that may be a bit to X-rated for Jerry’s family friendly Misfits. Family friendly punk…for fucks sake. Johnny Thunders has turned into a damned dynamo in his grave over this farce.
Track 7 “Cold In Hell” is what happens when the Misfits™ take over the weather channel. Inspiration from the Doppler Radar is not how to write a song, Jerry. This song is so forgettable I don’t even know what it is/was/will be about. It’s the same tempo. You know what Doyle’s guitar tone was respectable. You could even understand what the beast was playing. Doyle’s tone is a damned chainsaw. Dez’s tone is equal to a hedge trimmer. Dez is a good guitarist, I mean no blatant disrespect. However, his style does not fit in this band. And just like the Rolling Stones, he needs to retire. Jerry Only vocal update, it will be partly cloudy with a strong chance of suck.
Track 8 Next is a song about aliens called “Unexplained”. I’ve heard this song before. It sounds like…like…EVERY OTHER SONG ON THE ALBUM! Minus the decent guitar solo by Dez this song is trash. Little things, such as a whip lash guitar solo, help. Moments like this make me hard pressed to even bat an eye at this band anymore. I must be morbid (more than normal) to even keep paying attention. Hell, the direction of this record is unexplained. That should be the name of the album.
Track 9 No…just…NO! Ok…I’m named after a character from Dark Shadows (true story). I know Jerry wrote this trying to get the song placed in Tim Burton’s atrocity of a remake. For one, this song audio dynamic feels as if it were trying to rip off the German horror punk band “The Other”. Might I add, Jerry Only and camp are doing a very poor job at this emulation. I could write an entire album about this show and never use the damned name as a song title. Get some proper inspiration you yeasty yak boil! Children in the single digit range a more inspired artwork than this album.
Track 10 Here we come to the best song on the whole record. Wait for it…wait for it…”Father”! If this isn’t some sad dig at Glenn Danzig I don’t know what is. You could also call this a silent cry for acceptance. Both songs are even in the key of B. Glenn’s “Mother” is about the PMRC bullshit back in the late 80’s. His giant hit that got him a ton of money. Not his greatest song, true, but not terribly bad either. Jerry Only take the twilight road and sings about a vampire siring a youngling. Catchy enough, but one mediocre song isn’t enough to save this brown stain of disappointment. Track 11 HOLY FUCKING CHRIST THE KONQUORER!!! The Tempo did something different. I may faint. Semi-catchy riffs are throughout this song. Though, again we find a poorly written and obscenely weak vocal line. “Jack the Ripper” is doing less ripping and more floundering. For a Misfits song this track has far too much of a solo at the end. One of the defining points of punk would be the lack/simplicity of the guitar work. Jerry’s quest to become Kiss may just be one step closer. Looking back at the Gorgeous Frankenstein record, I’d rather be listening to that.
Track 12 My Hydrosenses are tingling! Dez takes lead vocals on the track “Monkey’s Claw”. This is a mid-tempo rocker with a mildly pleasing vocal line. This is definitely not an “A” list song, but fair enough. I’d put this in the top five songs on the record. The classic 1950’s feel is a bit more prominent within the “Monkey’s Paw”.
Track 13 The magic of this song, called “Where Do They Go”, is in the chorus. Unfortunately, the whole song would fit better in a musical, such as “Grease”. I don’t really get a horror vibe at all from this. I believe this is a Dez track as well. The tempo follows the previous track as well. I’m by no means amused with this song. Actually, I’m a bit more confused than anything.
Track 14 Son of a bitch! This must be the Dez section of the record. This is the third track in a row with the same mid-tempo lull, entitled “Sleepwalkin”. Dez keeps telling me to wake up…I only wish I could. Maybe I could get out of this nightmare review. The record is dragging worse than zombie with a broken leg caught under a wrecked car. Dez writes some very subtle songs in the horror genre. They strike me more as his every day routine…euphemism?
Track 15 Well, “Ghost of Frankenstein” starts with some interesting violin sample and leads right back in standard issue new school Misfits drivel. Thematically, this song is a bit more on par with what I would expect. The tempo is back to being…oh wait…the tempo hasn’t changed (save one song). I have to say that I’m enjoying the lyrics. If they were sung by a competent front man I might enjoy this song more.
Track 16 Finally! The last track on this album is here. I have been in bands that were shorter lived than this album took to get through. The track is called “Death Ray” and if you made it this far without skipping through any tracks the effect will be the same as immolation. Other than the nice punk drum beat and repetitive guitar work this is a very forgettable track. Though, the song is one of the best on the record…which speaks volumes about the total work. This being the last song on the album, we have a feeble closer. If you look at American Psycho and Famous Monsters, both albums had strong closing songs. However, with the Devil’s Rain finds a closer that trails off into monotonous ray gun sounds. The end of this record shows the lack of artistic direction this band mustered.
Jerry Only pay attention! I’m speaking to you as a representative of the Fiends. If you were hoping to gain credibility by putting an album out showing you didn’t need Glenn, Graves, Chud, or Doyle, you have failed. It is painfully obvious who the proper talent was and still is. This record should have been released within 6 months to a year of Graves leaving the band. Your window was missed. The honed talent needed to properly craft a Misfits record isn’t there. Not to mention, eleven years later we finally get new music. During the past decade you have toured a sub-par circus which is ghost of its former self around the world in the guise and name of the Fiend Club; this being a terrible weight to place on the backs of true and proper Fiends. Needless to say, with the absurd wait for new music, lack luster live shows, and subsequent new record the proverbial back of the Legacy has been broken. Jerry…let the Legacy go. I can tell that you will not. I’m sure you and Dez will put out a new record a bit more quickly this time. The true Fiends of the world will hide their Misfits paraphernalia because of the shame of these fresh records. You see, Jerry! You are making Fiends embarrassed to listen to your music (obviously not the old material).
My thoughts on the “Devil’s Rain” are grim. The album suffers from a lack of creativity. No one in this band is maladjusted enough to write a decent punk rock album. The members of this band are lacking hellfire in their bellies. This is nothing but a marketing tool to Jerry. He is and always will be a business man first and a musician second. Stand out tracks are “Father”, “Ghost of Frankenstein”, “Monkey’s Claw”, and “Death Ray” (a weak ending). Don’t buy this album unless you have a coupon or two. For example…go buy the new Danzig Cover’s album when it drops. The first single has more of a Misfits feel than anything Jerry has EVER done. So take my advice and go buy a better album by a band that still has a passionate artistic fire. Don’t encourage Jerry Only’s mid life crisis.
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