Misfits - Project 1950 - by Hydro

BOO!!! IT IS I!!! The one and only progenitor of the moon-lit night, Hydro. I know it has been what seems like... (looks at calendar) 7 years since the good book stopped producing those devilishly clever and in-depth interviews you knew and loved. I apologize for the silence (for the better part of a decade). I had shit to do, and i'm sure everyone else did as well. However, I have been called to the front lines once again. The gods of music have given me a mission. A mission that demands my utmost care and consideration. I now, with no further adieu, present to the masses a review of epic proportions. A review so demented you'll wonder how I actually sat through the whole album. I present to you the Misfits_tm newest full length (i like to refer to this steaming pile of shit as "audio torture") "Project 1950".

Ah, my youth was such a...well...memorable thing at times. I will leave it at that, but there are some things that stand out. Growing up few things really plucked my heart strings. Horror movies, T.M.N.T., Nintendo, and my mother's 45 collection from the late 50's and 60's really encompassed my life. Unfortunately, I hadn't found the value of reading until high school. I remember getting cassettes at Odd Lots or Hearts that were full of 50's and 60's classic pop hits. I would get lost in each one my grandmother would buy me on my preteen ghetto blaster. Then when high school took me into its cruel embrace I discovered punk rock. Let me tell you this was a life altering moment. Nothing says teenage maturity like spikey hair, fucked up Converse All-Stars, and a fuck you attitude. So you ask why the lifetime version of my past. Well you see my faithful horde, this punk rock injection (and a bit of research...yes before the internet was easily accessible) opened me to one of the greatest bands to ever make noise. The Misfits! Obviously, this band has been a huge part of my life. So why would i be reviewing anything by this band I love so much? How about a little history lesson.

In 1977 Glenn Danzig founded the Misfits, named after Marilyn Monroe's 1961 classic movie, as a three piece punk rock group, himself on keyboards and vocals. Just after the first recording, cough/cool, Glenn gave up keyboard duties and added a guitarist. This was the classic Static Age line up. Jerry Only was the only other person in the band nearly as long as Danzig. I would like to state right here and now that Glenn Danzig wrote all the music and lyrics to the songs. He also put 90% of the aesthetic to the band. That is until Jerry and Doyle began looking like Kiss Army rejects that were kicked out of the WCW (yes i know they were on WCW). If the music didn't put them down into history books their rabid fan base and gothic punk look certainly did.

Fast forward a few years to 1983. Several line up changes and a bakers dozen of drummers convinced Danzig that it was time to lay the Misfits to their final rest...or so he thought. Glenn put out the last album under the name Misfits in 1984 (Die, Die My Darling...Metallica did not write this song). The Man did not miss a beat as he fleshed out his side project Samhain. Jerry and Doyle were, seemingly, gone from the music scene. Or so we thought... To make a long story short, court battles against Danzig occupied the lat 80's and early 90's. Danzig blew up with the song Mother, but he still ended up having to share the name Misfits_tm with Jerry and Doyle. This leads up to the Misfits_tm, or Newfits as the fans have dubbed, line-up of 1995 to 99. Needless to say Glenn wasn't involved in the band. So who was going to sing? Micheal Graves starts his career at this point. To some this is great and to others this was a slap in the face. To be fair this line up was passable and in some cases fun. They were a much tighter live band (Doyle learned to actually play his guitar) and had lots of neat stage props and theatrics. Granted the music didn't have the same haunting grit that the original had, and it certainly was more campy then even the silliest of the first generation songs. Even still this gave the fans something to either bitch about or get enthused about.

Then Graves and Doyle left the band...and Dr. Chud no more then a few months later. One would think this would be the end of the Misfits_tm...give and up are two words that Jerry Only pissed on ages ago. This was just at the end of the Famous Monsters tour (end of wave 2) and beginning of the 10 years of M25. Well at least it seemed like 10 years. This was also the start of Jerry Only anal raping the Fiend club and making promises such as: "I'm getting Glenn back in the band!", "Doyle will be back after he takes care of some family business.", "We are working on new material after this 50's cover album."

Oh. My. Fucking. Chocolate. Covered. Jesus.



The 50's cover album, or Project: 1950, was slated to be released in 2003 by the infamous M25 line-up. Marky Ramone (of the Ramones) and Dez Cadena (of Black Flag) were supposed to just play a one off show for Joey Ramones Birthday Party (a long tradition in New York), but some how got roped into joining up as the Misfits_tm. I smell black mail! This was the start of the most awful fucking joke of shows i've ever seen. A Misfits_tm set that was split up with Ramone's and Black Flag songs. Oh and guess who was singing 2 of the three bands material. Oh yes...fuck us a little harder...yes...oh forget the lube. That's right, Jerry Only was taking the proverbial bull by the horns as he stepped up to front his current version of the Misfits_tm. Let me tell you the guy has heart (and dollar signs for eyes) but he does not have the chops for lead vocals or personality to give proper due to the Legacy. Actually, i believe he's a terminal necrophiliac. Only (no pun intended) a corpse-a-holic would rape this beloved band in the way Jerry has.

As soon as i saw the cover of this torturous disk worry swept my every sense. Misfits_tm art had become increasingly cheesy over the years. We started with a poster of JFK getting his head blown off and now have a cartoony Igor flipping a power switch. I was hoping this was going to be the only bad portion of this album. Then i realized the package came with a DVD. This was the beginning of the major Digital uprising. Many of the major music labels began try and push their CD sales up as they told bands they would be putting DVD's with their new albums, live albums, and in some cases singles. This was fairly neat when the band actually put some time into the DVD. However, this DVD nearly made me cry, but let me review the album before i get to the self induced Chinese water torture that i put myself through by watching that festering corpse fuck.

Ok...let me jump head first into this cluster fuck. I will accept that Jerry Only compiled the songs that were sentimental to him for this album...I am, most likely, giving him to much credit. I think he just picked a bunch of songs that he could actually pull of singing...which i'd like to add he fails at. Track one starts us off with "This Magic Moment". Ironic...some might say. More like a bold faced lie. This is not a magic moment. This sounds nothing like what i would expect out of a true misfits cover. Not brutal at all...and female vocals?!?!?! (quickly looks at booklet) HOLY FUCK!? Ronnie Spector? Oh what have you done. How the mighty have fallen. For those who haven't heard of Ronnie Spector she has been big in the music industry since 1965 (with the Ronnettes). The Rolling Stones opened for their European tour in 65. She has been active in the music industry for 45 years. I just don't know why in the hell she would sing on this god awful piece of... OH shit... (looks at Track 2) John Cafiero...well that explains it (go find the NY Rangers theme song by the Misfits_tm...you'll understand). John Caifero is a blight to the music industry...Osaka Popstar is a perfect example (I will get to that album at a later date). Jerry's voice is forgettable at best. At least he is on key...for the moment. Dream Lover is up next. An ice pick in my ear is looking like a better option then finishing this bomb of a record. I doubt there is an ounce of clean guitar on this album. I love punk covers as much as the next fan of the genre, but i also like a band to put their own spin on a song. These are just highly distorted versions with bad vocals. Track three rolls on with some saxophone, but don't think this is going to be much different. The song is Diana and could easily by the sequel to Dream Lover with this type of production. The music is solid, but i would expect at least that from 3 musicians who have been at this business for 30 years. This is still not memorable at all. The distorted queef that is track 4 comes on. The song is Donna. Richie Valines has got to be rolling over in his grave over this shit. Jerry Only just can't leave well enough alone it seems. Well that, as well as give and up, is not in his vocabulary. Track five rapes another great song. Great Balls of Fire gets gutted. A little piano would have been nice on this cover or at least STAYING IN VOCAL KEY. Jerry goes flat within 2 lines of the beginning of the song. I knew it would happen. Latest Flame is the next track. I'm thinking i'd rather listen to deer with terrets fuck. This is an Elvis song...Jerry...come on...he is King and you are not. This track has the piano that should have been on the last track and it's played by...(double takes) Marky Ramone. Ok...interesting. The engineer layers light distortion on Only's voice making it sound a little more interesting. Seriously, i think screwing up an Elvis song like this is a mortal sin. Then again he's already eviscerated the Misfits_tm Legacy...why not an Elvis tune. After that comes the Monster Mash. Wait...wait...wait...didn't the Graves line-up already cover this and put a 7 inch out? This is the a new recording with John Cafiero on backing vocals. As much as i hate to back anything with Cafiero attached I have to say that this is the best song on the album.

This record is going to drive me to drinking if i listen much longer...

Only three tracks left thankfully. Next is the classic country song by Conway Twitty called Only Make-Believe. Jerry goes flat on this song a few times and if it had any country in it then it was stomped out. Forgettable at best the vocals just annoy me. Have you noticed my main problem with this project so far? OH OH!! A Del Shannon song is going to be ruined next!!! OK...Jerry...I will just say that Steve Zing did a way better job. That's right this is the song Runaway. (shakes head) Last of festering fuck fest is the song You Belong To Me. My brain hurts...even for a punked up slow song this is just missing something. A little clean guitar would have been nice. I'm still attempted to discern why Ronnie Spector worked on this project...Black mail still sounds valid.

That's Project 1950 in a nut shell. The record is monotone even with the occasional piano or saxophone. I am going to say this once and only once. Jerry Only...YOU ARE NOT ME FIRST AND THE GIMMIE GIMMIE's. Please stay away from trying to do catchy punk covers of classic songs. The misfits were about violence...apparently now that tradition has been watered down into a materialistic wash of merchandise whoring and goofy monsters designed for Satuday morning cartoons. This record is audio diarrhea. This is something you would write...well more record...on a bender in Vegas but should never release.

Now...(eye balls DVD) Ok...i refuse to go indepth about this lumpy pile of shit. The DVD that comes with Project 1950. First, this is the first EVER official Misfits_tm DVD...and it made my cry out of shame of watching. It was the first time i'd ever been truly ashamed of being a fiend. The M25 line-up is completely and utterly embarrassing. Jerry Only has about as much integrity as a shore house made of balsa wood facing a mega-hurricane. The interface of this ghastly ass rocket is horrible, extremely delayed. For the first ever Misfits_tm DVD this is sub-par beyond comprehension.

All around this will never get any more plays in my home. I dug it out specifically for this review. The record had been gathering dust in my record collection for the past 7 years and i have listened to it more for this review then i had ever. If you want a good album go listen to Earth AD/Wolfsblood. Even though Glen "Spot" Lockett couldn't engineer himself out of a wet paper bag it is still far superior to this...