Book of Poo: Issue 1 | James Only

THE BOOK OF POO #1 ~ Uncut and Original

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INFOMERCIAL: Are you tired of going to Misfits.com for weeks and weeks only to
find nothing new to report? Are you tired of all these serious azz people who
can't take a fuckin'joke? Well boy do I have something for you! Its the dumbest,
most ridiculous,most useless information on the Misfits up to date! Its the Book
of Poo!! That's right, fiends, the Book of Poo and its absolutely FREE!! Just
email James Only and say "I want my Book of Poo!!". I promise you will not be
disappointed!!

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I was busy during the week and I had a chance to go to sub-way and I'll be
damned if Jerry Only wasn't there. I talked to him and here's what he had to
say...

James Only: Hey, aren't you Jerry Only?

Jerry Only: Yeah, I'm the founder of the Misfits

James Only: Soo, we the fiends are tired of waiting, can you give us feedback?
Y'know, something exclusive?

Jerry Only: Most of these allegations and rumors have been so outrageous that
the band would not even dignify them with comment, but rest assured, these
individuals will be dealt with accordingly.

James Only: which means....

Jerry Only: Its far from over

James Only: Is that a fact?

Jerry Only (nods) yes

James Only: So, what can you tell us about Doyle?

Jerry Only: My brother Doyle has assured me that he had no knowledge of any
statements made by these people, who were allegedly speaking on his behalf.

James Only: Is that a fact?

Jerry Only: Yes...

James Only: Y'know my last name used to be "the Great" too y'know?

Jerry Only: No, I didn't know that... ::looks lost::

James Only: Yeah....

Jerry Only: Yep....

Jerry Only: ::Blinks::

James Only: ::stares::

(5 Minutes of Silence)

James Only: Sooo, how 'bout dem Bears?

Jerry Only: They're goin' all the way this year...

James Only: Is that a fact?

Jerry Only: Are you crazy?

James Only: That IS a fact

Jerry Only: Umm ok...

James Only: So, what about touring?

Jerry Only: The Misfits are currently taking a hiatus from touring.

James Only: really?....I didn't know that already.... (Sarcastic as hell)

James Only: Soo, you guys cancelled some recent gigs, what exactly did we miss
out on?

Jerry Only: You would not have received the 150% that our live shows are known
to deliver.

James Only: ohh ok. So anything that you'd like to say to all the fiends out
there?

Jerry Only: Be strong fiends, for your strength gives us strength and together
we make the Misfits something worth fighting for.

James Only: Right. Anything else?

Jerry Only: We ask that fiends be weary of any web sites or newsletters
"claiming" to be fiends who prove to be nothing short of slanderous gossip
columns. These "so called" fiends, simply hope to add fuel to the fire, in an
attempt to tarnish the image and/or incite the demise of the Misfits.

James Only: Can you assure us anything?

Jerry Only: We assure you that when all is said and done, they will not succeed

James Only: Yer the best Jerry Bear...

Jerry Only: :::Laughs:::

James Only: :::not laughing:::

Jerry Only: :::Drops a piece of his spicy italian sub on his shirt:::

James Only: soo, how's that sub?

Jerry Only: Pretty good, Ha ha ha ha

James Only: :::not laughing::: oh ok...

Jerry Only: ::stops laughing::

James Only: Sooo, when is the Misfits anniversary?

Jerry Only: The Misfits 25th Anniversary falls on April 18th 2001.

James Only: That's Great, you must be proud..

Jerry Only: Be strong fiends, for your strength gives us strength and together
we make the Misfits something worth fighting for.

James Only: Is that a fact?

Jerry Only: Get off disability, get a job, write some good songs and shut up.

James Only: But I'm still in high school and I DO write good songs!!!

Jerry Only: One true enemy is better than a dozen untrue
friends...goodbye...good riddance.

James Only: WAAIIITT I WANNA CONTINUE THE INTERVIEW!!!! ::Chases After Jerry::

Well Fiends, I guess I'll have to catch up with Jerry some other time to
continue our interview. Remember the Original HorrorJerk (James Only) is here to
bring you the latest most accurate, most ridiculous, and totally useless
information on the Misfits come to date!!!

Jiggle the handle, close the lid, this one is gone...

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LEGAL STUFF: the Book of Poo is a copyrighted trademark of JamesOnly and James
Only, Only. So if you think you can do a better job, you deserve a kick in the
arse. The Book of Poo is done soley for Entertainment Purposes and for James
Only's amusement, Only.



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