69 Eyes - Paris Kills

Well, it’s Hydro back with some venomous album hazarding. October, month of bats and pumpkins, is now in hindsight. Monthly events had me bustling to the sound of the macabre beat. But never fear! I have returned to give you a grave review from a band that suffers from broken English and bad clichés. No, they don’t hail from Japan. This is a band from Scandinavia, Sweden to be exact. The majority of monster outfits from the snowy north that make it over the pond are in general pretty good. I can name a plethora of bands from the area that great. I would even wager to say that most of those bands are top notice in their genre. However, like every genre there are those…unfortunate...souls that come off with every bad cliché from the genre that can be scared up. I’m sure some people have guessed what death rocker’s are on my mind. I’m talking about the 69 Eyes.

For years I have had a love or hate relationship with this band. Their imagery was never quite dark enough, but had hints of a sophisticated gothic sleeze embedded in some areas. However, when they go wrong it is in catastrophic proportions. There is something in me that really wants to like this band, but logically there is just so much that belongs in Hot Topic that I just can’t. Oh, the things that is wrong with this band…let me count the ways.

Hmmm…actually, I think I will count the ways.

1) These guys suffer from gothic bug. There is nothing wrong with being of the gothic persuasion, but just dressing a way to fit into a niche market is just annoying. Plus, these guys have a nice dose of 80’s glam metal in them. That is never all right with me. Some fucking people may like the glitz and glam but I would rather not have Nikki Sixx and the New York Dolls invading my death rock. Thankfully, on the record “Paris Kills”, which I am looking at here, the band goes for a much more toned down look. To me this is much better than the blatant drive into horror rock that the band later attempts. However, they fail so hard.

2) ENGLISH, MOTHER-FUCKER! DO YOU SPEAK IT?!?!?! The one thing the Europeans and Scandinavians seem to be far better than Americans at skills wise is their grasp on languages other than their native tongue. I’ve heard better poetry coming from a bulimic glass eater on a purging spree. Jyrki 69, lead singer and lyricist, needs writes worse broken poetry in English than most Japanese bands. His sentence structure is fine most of the time, but the context of what he is writing doesn’t make sense half the time. For years I have tried to like “Paris Kills”. The album’s theme has so much potential, but the lyrics are full of so much fail. My person bitch fest comes in the French and English mish mash called “Dance D’Amour”. The harmonies are great, but the chorus drives me goddamned bananas. “Dance with me to the night” (As if the night is some kind of music box) “To the serious moonlight” (WHAT THE FUCK IS THE SERIOUS MOONLIGHT!?!??! As opposed to what… the not so serious moonlight. Go die in a fire for writing that piece of shit chorus) “Brighter than the stars above you shine” (I wonder where he is going with this. Does the “serious moonlight” have some kind of glowing aura…oh wait. Okayyyyyy….so that line isn’t too bad) “And the loving feels alright.” What kind of loving is he talking about? First they are dancing to the “Colon Powell” of extra-planetary illumination and next thing you know the “lovins” are feeling alright. If it is just alright then this guy needs to work on his moves. The French bits of this song are so ragingly clichéd it is painful to listen to. I think Jyrki just started watching English Dubbed French romance movies and copying lines to make them fit into the song. The whole album suffers from various degrees of this problem. Lyrically the album is like a bad gothic harlequin romance novel. The only tune that stands up to any scrutiny would be the Doors cover of “You’re Lost Little Girl”. That being said the doors suffer their own issues now and again (I love the Doors!).

3) We are off to a great start by not having Jyrki spouting horrid amounts of broken French at the audience with the tune “Betty Blue”. This is a mid paced rocker that melds into the first two tracks. Forgettable at best. Bad lyrics again, but at least they make sense. This band has a wonderful knack for vocal harmonies. Back vox in the chorus of “Betty Blue” portray this nicely. Not a bad song, but, as I said, forgettable.

4) I need to work on video reviews, because you could see me face palming myself into unconsciousness with these lyrics. I’ll get to those in a moment. Musically this track, “Grey”, strikes me as a throw away track. This has to be some of the lowliest stereotypical gothic schlock on the album. That is until we get to the a-typical Christian mythology track. Now for the lyrics. I’m thinking that Jyrki just chose a word that sounded like it could make a good “dark” theme and rolled with punches when rhyming with it. “As the night draws its shadows in on you; And the darkness turns you blue; Don’t let the moonlight burn you.” Listen up kiddies. This is how NOT to write lyrics. PERIOD!!! I think I was writing better bad goth poetry when I was in high school. Every line ends with the words blue, you, away, or grey. I’m surprised I even know what the music sounds like after hearing these atrocious attempts at poetry.

5) OHHHHHHHHHH!!! I found the lamenting vampire opus. Yet again, musically this song is interesting with a firm use of keyboards. The track has a very mellow vibe that could send one into a different world. That is if not for ghastly attempts at lyrics. The track is entitled “Radical”. Essentially, the song is from the perspective of a vampire who wants to not be forever young anymore. He’s a “radical”. Oh the hook is so fucking broken on an English level. I think he got Poe mixed up with San Fernando Valley girls. I can very much see the grey area to get lost in (/sarcasm). “I don’t want to feel like forever young anymore; Just catch my fall before, I crawl on the floor.” The interjection of a like into the first line is extremely classy. Things such as this really make me want to listen to this album more often…for a good laugh.

6) “Don’t Turn Your Back On Fear” is up next. I must say the addition of a female choir and some string orchestration is excellent. One of the stand-out tracks musically, if anything for diversity. Yet again, ignore the short bus lyrics and you’ll be fine.

7) Found it!!! “Stigmata” fills the roll of Christian inspired goth schlock track. This is an all around forgettable piece of shit. The music is uninteresting and the lyrics are confusing and make no sense. Somewhere along the line I get the vibe that Jyrki tried in his best broken English skill to give this song a love vibe. Boy did that not work. The chorus says it all. “Stigmata, Blood and Gasoline; A thought of you and the fire between.” I should really stop trying to figure out what this mental midget is trying to say through these ball-shit lyrics.

8) For a bad goth love song “Forever More” isn’t to bad. You’d think by this point, eight songs in, I’d be completely sick of this shit. Well this is one of the first good ones I’ve heard. The music is catchy (they haven’t had a problem with that) and the lyrics stick to a theme that make sense and stay short so not to be mucked around grammatically. The essence pouring from this album is faithful to the atmosphere the band is shooting for. I applaud this single track.

9) “Still Water Runs Deep” is musically a great goth rock anthem. However, yet again Jyrki fails on many levels of lyrical writing. He just wishes to have the skill of Andrew Eldrich (Sisters of Mercy). Though, this would be a fantastic way to round out the album, but we could only be so lucky.

10) A mellow tune that is very synth heavy called “Dawn’s Highway” rounds out the originals of this album. The lyrics stumble into one another attempting to weave a story. It’s like attempting to watch a blind man break dance. I sound like a fucking broken record by this point.

Finally, the album tapers off with a cover of the Door’s “You Lost Little Girl” That set’s a very somber mood. This is a not-so-perfect marriage of 60’s psychedelia and early 90’s ambient gothic rock. A problem arises when the song tries to gain forward momentum. There is a sense of perpetual intro to this cover. Not worth being on the album. Way to fuck up a doors song, douche bag. Finally, the album has two remixes (Crashing High and Stigmata). This is to my utter displeasure. I dislike millions of remixes. This is my major problem with most of the EBM, IDM, and electronic music genres in general. What’s even worse is that these two songs sound nearly the same as the album cuts. Ok…well actually the Stigmata cut is different, and sounds better than the original. Even still the better sounding track should have been the only one to make the album. I look at remixes at space fillers. If you think the album needs more running time GO WRITE ANOTHER SONG!!!

My final comments…If you want something dark and full of gutsy rock go and get a Sisters of Mercy, Seraphim Shock, or Killing Joke album. At least with those you know you are getting quality music with well written music. I’m sure in the future I’ll have to take a look at a few more 69 Eyes albums. I hear they venture further into horrorpunk. That should be interesting to see how they try and rip off most of that scene. However, I digress. This album is for anyone who likes a good bit of gothic rock and can overlook horribly written lyrics.

Let your ears bleed from the worst gothic lyrics...EVER.

~~ Hydro