Back in 2004, someone thought it would be a good idea for Dr.Chud, of Misfits fame, to become a lead singer. If there is one person responsible for this action they should be cut to pieces with a dull butter knife. Seriously, why do EX-Misfits think it's their horror punk rights to form new bands? Not only that, but to SING! Anyone can start a new band, that's cool. If you were the drummer or the guitarist there is solid ground why you weren't the fucking singer!!!
Let's get this fuck fest on! Let me say first that I did get a copy of this CD when it came out, I do like to give things a chance. After one listen it got tossed into that pile. You know the pile, the “let's pawn this off on some unknowing victim” pile. So, I had to get the CD again to complete this review, which was probably the most painful thing I have done in a while or possibly that was the headache this shit gave me. Before you judge me and say I never gave them a chance - I beg to differ fine reader, I have even seen them live. So hah! In your face!
OK, tracks ready to go. Hit play. Hmmm…
Track 1 - Powerless - After 45 seconds, I am feeling quite powerless, I must agree. Powerless, to come up with words to describe the onslaught of shit I am hearing; muddy guitars, poorly mixed drums, and horrible unspeakable vocals. No form of Pro-Tools or likewise could make this song audible to my hearing holes. What the fuck is this song even about? Powerless to what? The lyrics are complete shit, choruses are good but over repetition is bad. "I'll take your life, I'll take your life away...." Please would you? Jumpin' Jesus on a fucking pogo stick!!!
Track 2 - Mommy Made Luv 2 an Alien - Well if the title doesn't hint at what I'm going to say then you are more stupid than I gave you credit for dear reader. I will say that the music is catchy in this one. Catchy as in heard this rhythm 8 million times before. As far as vocals, shit!! The lyrics and content of this song make me feel dumb even listening to it. Horror punk has always been campy, given. Horror punk has had content about aliens, given. This is just some of the stupidest shit I have heard. Cookie cutter is one thing, appealing to 13 year old girls who have yet to menstruate seems to be the going theme for this song. Oh, my poor fucking ears.
Track 3 - Heavy Metal - Oh this should be good. Oh no! Chuddy please don't try to hit those highs!!! OH, fuck me. Seriously? If this song is supposed to be about Heavy Metal possibly an ode to metal than it just scared Rob Halford straight. I'm not sure really what the song is supposed to be about, because there are no lyrics online. This band sucks so bad no one has taken the time to type the lyrics out, HA! Before any of you Horror Punk Historians try to school me on what the song is about, save it. Don't care, if I read the lyrics now it will just remind me of that one time I had to listen to that song that made my brain vomit.
Track 4 - Spiderbaby - This song opens with promise. Starts with a tad bit of a jam. I'm digging it. Then Chud opens his throat hole. Oh man. I don't think this fucker could sing in key even if you gave him the vocal chords of Elvis. The guitars on this one seem really bad to me after a minute of listening. Almost like someone is rubbing a tin can on the strings. Not that I would want them level, but the vocals are really under level on this one for some reason also. Complete turd-tacular.
Track 5 - Blue Skin - Whoahhhhhhhohhhhhhhohhhh… I was waiting for that. I got it. I guess this is supposed to be our dark brooding song about a dead girl on this CD. I wish I were dead right now. Knowing my luck, I'd die right now go to hell and be stuck with all of X-Ward playing 24/7. This song makes me want to insert tampons sideways in my ear canal. I'm supposing this is supposed to be the dark slow jam, but it sounds more like some sick animals moaning into microphones and as with everything else on this album all the instruments seem to blend together into a nice soupy mess of shit. Lyrics, fuck I don't know - you tell me. Or wait don't.
Track 6 - Goodbye - Alright goodbye! If only I could be so lucky! Oh fucking epic another slow song. I wonder if when they recorded this if Chud was wearing that infamous pink sparkle shirt he dawned when X-Ward began? That would be fitting because this song gives off the vibe that someone has man-PMS. He was obviously on his period when he wrote this shit-tacular ditty. Aww, sensitive Chud. Be sensitive to my hearing and end this misery parade already!
Track 7 - Rabid - REALLY?!?!?! Another sappy fuck fest?! Oh my god, I can't take this. Who the fuck can think this is a good jam? Oh wait it's picking up now. Starting to jam,.... BLUE BALLS! Back to the fuck fest. I'm not even finishing this song. Horrible!
Track 8 - Bury You Alive - Holy shit this started out OK. Then I noticed it is the same vein as Mommy Made Luv 2 an Alien. This was written for 13 year old girls who are just discovering their tits and punk rock. Disgusting. Thank fucking god this is the last song. Go back behind the drums fucker! (for good)
OH WAIT IT'S NOT OVER!!!
If you were unfortunate enough to buy this grand copy of shit on vinyl and your record player didn't explode after the first track, then you got to hear the bonus track!!! Fucking hooray for you!!!
Bonus Track - Hanging on the Telephone (Blondie Cover) - Oh yes, while we totally fuck everyone in the ear that buys our shit storm of an album let's just disgrace Debby Harry while we are at it. I'm sure if Blondie ever heard this she looked up Chud and popped a kick off in his junk. Or at least I hope she would. They raped, maimed, and left for dead this awesome song. I don't think I ever want to hear this song again, their version or Blondies because it will bring back memories of my ears being fucked for over a half hour.
Well, that's it kids. Sorry if I offended any X-Ward fans. Opinions are a son of a bitch. Thanks for reading and if you don't like it please go fornicate yourself with an X-Ward CD and do the world a favor!!!
-She Who Cannot Be Named 2010
(Editors note: This album sucks as hard as Project 1950. If you don't believe me...check out this video for the song "Powerless"...check out the sequence shirt)
Posts
Absolutely awesome CD! I love the Misfits and didn't realize Dr. Chud had a solo CD, went out and bought it and i can't stop playing it, totally awsome, the review must be a sham because first of all the CD comes with the lyrics as does the vinyl version, so why is the reviewer looking on the internet for lyrics, secondly the shirt in the video is orange not pink, i guess he's color blind too and thirdly Hangin on the Telephone is NOT a Blondie song, I believe it was written by a California band so he obviously knows nothing as to music history. That makes the reiewer DEAF, DUMB and BLIND. Buy it! http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/drchud
ReplyDeleteThe reviewer is female. I still think this album is pure shit, but for more reasons than the reviewer wrote about. I own the piece of shit and it's bad.
DeleteI disagree with the reviewer, The CD is one of the best Misfits offshoot albums made. One of my favorite songs is on this album "Goodbye", If you like the Misfits you will love this CD. It also comes with videos on it.
ReplyDelete