The lunar rays drenched the southern Ohio landscape as, yours truly, infiltrated a cult of shred worshipers. Yeah, you heard me, I again lent my capabilities and skill to the Warriors of Metal Open Air festival. I will lament my experiences of this ninja operation to my loyal fans. Keep in mind that only a few people knew that i would be reviewing any of this event. My reasoning is simplistic in that I didn't want anyone putting on a front for me. Let me tell you that i ran into enough ego, dickhead attitude, and rejects from Overkill to kill most normal people. Now keep in mind that i come from a very...different...background. The people i met make my punk rock and gothic scene history knowledge look like a 3rd grade history book, full of basic half truths and just skin deep. I spent some time hanging with MettleAngel from Metal Covenant.com. I would venture to say that hanging out with a guy who is an encyclopedia of heavy metal knowledge can be intimidating. I also met and had no clue who Joe Stump or one of the former Nevermore/Annihilator guitarists were. Sorry guys i don't listen to you jerk your guitars off on CD. My bad. I'm pretty sure these ego driven "talents" wanted me to clean their balls off because of how great they were. These two gents (with another ego who I don't know and tried to use me as a whipping boy...more on that later) were present for a Dio tribute set. Let me get to how these three guys RUINed 2 songs in 30 minutes...ugh. So to not get terribly off track I shall start at the beginning.
I really back what Ryan and Datis are trying to do. However, do not get any misconceptions. Ryan does most of the work and Datis is the proverbial ATM. I would suggest to Datis to not be a dick to the help when the help is not getting paid. It seemed that whenever something went wrong someone would yell at me. I was by far not the only person working at this festival. This kind of mood gave me no reason to go back to day to. Which I must say is a shame because i really wanted to see Zephaniah with their new lead singer, but the belligerent sun and bad attitudes gave me no inspiration to venture out for another day of tiring asshatery. This is all behind the scenes B.S. and will be found at any major festival or show. I could go on and on about the business end of music, but i'll leave it with my mood being sour by the time Omen went on.
And the first band begins before we, the crew, got the tarp up over the stage. It was hot. I'm talking the kind of hot that melts roofing tar. It was turning most of us into fried humans wrapped into a soft rock n' roll outer coating. I enjoy looking nice, but for the summer months just kill me. I have no idea how people get along south of Tennessee. If I get the chance I will move my heat hating ass to somewhere that only has a month or so of summer. Anyway, Wrecked put on a show and did not melt completely in the process. Their sound was a mix of good stoner metal, southern rock, and traditional heavy metal. From the one day i went they stood out nicely. They are a young band and hopefully will come into their own a bit more. Unfortunately, their music was over shadowed by me trying not to have a fucking heat stroke. No worries. Your fearless reviewer pilfered a CD from one of their guitarists to review. Then we shall see just how amazingly quick i can rip on their music.
Wrecked ended their set as we got the tarp up over the stage. I think it just made the damned stage hotter. I suppose that was fitting as a band that dawned the name Skeletor hit the stage. I could do nothing more than rag on these guys. Not that their music was bad. It wasn't at all. Their style was of very traditional heavy metal. Their playing was great. Taking your work seriously is one thing and then not taking your work seriously is another. Their lead singer was a nerd on par with your average Magic: The Gathering player. To say that this guy's lyrics are tongue and cheek is like saying that Emperor Palpatine was a little evil. I must say that the part of their set that go me was when they went into a song about the War of the Roses. This was not a war. It had nothing to do with Roses. That whole thing was poetic license by Sir Walter Scott talking about the two involved families badges. The singer then went on to say something about victory. There was no fucking victory about over this little family spat over the English throne. Maybe you could call Henry VII's marriage to Elizabeth of York (merging the Lancaster and York lines) being a victory, but this was nothing new to England. By the time Henry VII (Tudor) had come to the throw there had been three other members of his family on the throne. Granted Henry had to kill Richard III to stop his usurpation of the throne. UGH!!! Essentially, the singer called victory to a power struggle in England in the late 1300's thru the 1460's that had no real definitive end. He should have written the goddamned song about the Battle of Bosworth if he really wanted a good song about Victory. In that battle, Richard III and his army were crushed and Henry VII sealed the line of the Tudors for the several hundred years to rule England. If one thing annoys me about musicians who try and write about history, it is when the portray events inaccurately. Be poetic and precise, you lily wankers!
So with the schlock fest that was Skeletor leaving the stage we were privy to another band of the same sound-Beyond Fallen. A tight band with good musicians. My problem is that every song was in the same key and i swear to the gods had the same bloody groove. FUCK!!! They just droned on and on. BORING!!! Not the good kind of drone like SunO))). I wish it could have been something in that vein. This was just down tuned metal crap to me. It wasn't Nu-metal so that was a plus, but still boring as hell to me. The crowd seemed to like them, but the turn out for their set was not in comparison to others.
Jacobs Dream are apparently Columbus metal legends. Personally, I had never heard of them, but my metal knowledge only extends so far. I'm more of an easy listening kind of guy... So these guys got up and did what they do best. They played traditional Heavy Metal with an edge of refinement and age. Good set from a cookie cutter band in the genre. I will say right now that the major thing that this fest is starting to have a problem with is that there are to many bands of the same genre. See with genre's like Goth there are many different way to approach the aesthetic. With a Metal fest that is going for traditional/power/thrash metal the bands begin to all sound the same. Then again i could probably say that about most metal bands. By this point in the fucking show i was actually wanting to hear a damned death metal band. This not exactly a feeling i gain often. By the time Omen was on I was lamenting my need for some Black Metal. Seriously...traditional and power heavy metal are genre's where i loathe about 90 percent of the aesthetic. It's all leather pants, long hair, and bad beer.
The out of country band was up next and they get the Hydro seal of approval. Fucking Hell, Dantesco was absolutely fantastic. The sun had dropped and the late June blood moon had rise fully. The night air quenched the body thirst that the evil day star had wrought. The lead singer came out dressed in monks robes and was talking about werewolf rape. This motherfucker won me over in about half a heart beat. Shame on me for not being familiar with their back catalog. These cats are from Puerto Rico and were flown in by Datis to slaughter the masses. The band did so with unholy fury. This was my highlight band of the evening. I highly suggest checking out this band. The songs have really great story lines. I'm a sucker for well thought out writing.
Next came Imagika, and if ever a name did not fit the band. They claimed that their sound was power thrash...i'm not even sure what the fuck that means. What i do know is that they all looked like wanker Orange County boys, their bassist was the tightest musician i've ever heard, and they put on a really great show. Not really much more to say then that. Seriously guys, get a new band name. Imagika was the original name for The Birthday Massacre. The name fit them. It does not fit you.
Finally, Omen took the stage. As per Warriors of Metal tradition, i was so wiped out that i didn't watch their set. I was up at the front gate in a chair talking to some friends. They were loud and i could hear them well so my only comment was that they put on a good tight set. It sounded pretty good from where i was sitting.
Now let me rewind to a few things that really pissed me the fuck off. We are talking hulk smash here. For one the Dio tribute set, and by set i mean 2 songs. So now i ask the readers a question. What do you get when three classically trained metal guitarists with ego get on stage? I'm sure you can suss out what happened. They played "Man on the Silver Mountain" and "Voodoo". Two songs that might take up 11 minutes and spent over 20 minutes soloing. It was no tribute! It was a contest to see who could jerk off with more style. In the name of Dio i was appalled by these assholes. One was Joe Stump. One was some guy from Annihilator and Nevermore. The other guy was just some famous douche that i didn't care about, but he chose me as his personal servant for some of the night. All three are wankers. All three individuals noodle far to much. I could probably rant about these asshats all night, but i won't. I will save you all the pain. Just know that if you can play a sweeping arpeggio then you aren't that special.
The final annoying portion of the night happened between bands. The sets blend together and i didn't take notes (i know...great journalism), but between most of the bands there were "shred contests". Only a few of these guys were any good and most of them felt that fast sweeping arpeggio's made them look impressive. Adam Route
(formerly of Woe of Tyrants) and Justin Zych (Zepheniah) were the highlights. However, this is not about the highlights. This is about a douche bag. If you live in a shitty apartment in Williamsburg, OH, spout off about how Pantera is your god collective, and area dick to people who are just trying to make things run, then you need your knees broken and then run over by a lawn mower. This man was shredding with two others: Brandon from Death Dealer (cool guy) and some other cat who looked like he belonged at an Abercrombie and Fitch store. The douche nozzle went by the moniker Adam bomb. Real catchy there you stompcore reject. He was pretty much shit at playing too. I think if you talk a good game you should be able to play. Joe Stump is a cock, but the guy plays guitar like Hugh Hefner gets women.
So the end of the night came and I was annoyed. If i missed anything or got a few of the bands out of sequence, fuck you. They blended together and I didn't take notes. For the more coherent review from a real metal fan go check out Metal Covenant. This is just my take from a non-metal fan. Inevitable, my presence was not felt the next day, but my review will be. I am going to listen to something that is not bad metal now. Living in Chillicothe has the major problem of having bad metal or even semi-okay metal shoved down ones throat. This is a problem when other styles of music are the main stay to your musical diet. I suggest checking out Warriors of Metal in the next few years, but only if you are a true denim and patch wielding, mullet rocking, cheap beer swilling metal machine.
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